


Let the Bodies Hit the Floor

by firstordershitposting (ald0us)



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: M/M, it is also a verrymerrykylux fill, myspace au, this is exactly as dorky as it sounds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-11 19:45:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9008554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ald0us/pseuds/firstordershitposting
Summary: Kylo suddenly had an idea. “I’ve got an idea,” he announced. It was glorious, and daring, and it absolutely would win Hux’s heart (or at least his derision) and he would absolutely post about it on MySpace as soon as the deed was done.One copper eyebrow raised, the movement sharp and precise. “I dread to hear it.”





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [maaaaaaarin](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=maaaaaaarin).



> This is not even VAGUELY myspace canon and I apologize profusely to horatiosroom and sailershanty for ruining their AU. Thanks to horatio for the beta! <3

“What happened?” Kylo demanded, gaping with what Hux would describe as his “angler fish” expression. Hux’s face and wrinkled, mint shirtfront was covered in shockingly bright red blood. His stormy, flickering expression told Kylo that all was not well. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Hux replied shortly. “Don’t you have something better to do other than stare at me? Re-apply your ridiculous raccoon makeup, perhaps?”

Kylo wasn’t sure whether to take ‘racoon makeup’ as an insult or a compliment; considering the many hours of frustration he’d spent in front of Leia’s bathroom mirror to achieve the crimson raccoon stripes adorning his fringe, he chose to take it as a compliment. “You’re hurt.”

“Why don’t you tell me something I _don’t_ know, _Ky-lo?”_ Hux spat, enunciating each syllable of Kylo’s name with venom. That, Kylo decided, was not a compliment.

Hux caught sight of Kylo’s wounded expression—he’d been practicing his trembling lower lip and big fluttering eyes in the mirror—and rolled his eyes. “Stop that, you look ill. If you must know, it was Bala Tik and his cronies. Guavian Death Gang, they call themselves now. Ridiculous. None of them can even throw a dodgeball, let alone a punch. But it was an ambush.” His eyes lowered briefly, and Kylo’s stomach lurched. “They...stole something from me.”

“Your...uh, messenger bag?” Kylo guessed, silently congratulating himself on his skills of observation. He’d been honing them in pursuit of Science—at Hux’s insistence, of course. Leia was getting very annoyed with his deductions. (“No, Ben— _Kylo, yes, sorry—_ I have _not_ put poison in your chicken nuggets, the bread came off in the microwave—do _not_ pick it apart— _oh my god—“_ )

“Yes, of course my messenger bag. What else, you idiot? The ashes of my dead mother?”

Kylo frowned, ignoring the insult. Mrs. Hux, he knew, was last he checked, alive and well and certainly not cremated. “Was anything important in it?”

Hux sighed, deflating slightly, venom ebbing away. The apparent calm, or resignation, quelled the tiny spasms in his furious—now morose—expression, just slightly. “Yes. It had...it had my tools in it. They’re gone.”

“You mean—you mean your _surgical_ tools?”

Hux didn’t even bother to glare at him. This worried Kylo. “Yes. The same.”

Kylo’s heart swooped down through his ribcage and crashed down on his shoes (bright red converse bedazzled in black glitter hearts and sharpied with his favorite Alkaline Trio lyrics). “Hux I—I’m so sorry.”

And really, really he was. He was quite confident their relationship had made progress—Hux no longer slapped his hand away at lunch when he snuck it over his bologna sandwich to rest in Hux’s, just firmly picked it up and returned it to his side of the table. He was quite grateful for this, as Hux’s more emphatic rebuffs had more than once led to the chipping of his (black) nail polish.

Also, it felt good to know he was making progress. Hux _liked_ him. He was pretty sure of that, anyway. Maybe.

“Is there...any chance of getting it back?” Kylo asked, trying to keep the hopeful notes out of his voice (play it cool, Kylo). And failed, resulting only in a spectacular voice-crack.

Hux was too dejected even to sneer. “No. I saw one of them turn the case in to Mrs. Kanata.”

Kylo’s heart dropped just a bit further, now melting into his Hello Kitty shoelaces. He felt hot tears stinging at his eyes— _not now, Kylo, play it cool!—_ and bit at his lower lip to keep it from trembling in shaky sympathy. He looked at Hux, fluttering his mascara’d eyelashes slightly, hoping to garner some comment about being a crybaby, but none came. Hux’s eyes were fixed on the floor, flickering rapidly between his and Kylo’s shoes.

The case he referred to, Kylo knew, was the pencil case containing his surgical equipment, and there was no chance of Mrs. Kanata giving it back. He knew how long and hard Hux had worked to acquire all of it, pinching scalpels here, gloves there, disinfectant and slightly mangled tweezers. His chest felt so tight, his face maybe a little warm—he had _wanted_ to be on the receiving end of that scalpel, just to try it. Not to mention that intense green stare, unblinking and laser-like in focus, that made his skin buzz with warmth—

Kylo suddenly had an idea. “I’ve got an idea,” he announced.

One copper eyebrow raised, the movement sharp and precise. “I dread to hear it.”

Kylo stumbled onwards, already envisioning the plan in his head. It was glorious, and daring, and it absolutely would win Hux’s heart (or at least his derision) and he would absolutely post about it on MySpace as soon as the deed was done. “I don’t want to tell you. It’s a surprise.”

“A surprise,” Hux repeated, expression and tone flat, but Kylo was already worlds away, imagining with vivid flourishes his mother’s terrible office (which smelled vaguely of cabbages, no thanks to her office neighbor) as head of Admissions at the local community college, which was only one building away from the Biology Department....and their not-quite state-of-the-art labs.

“Don’t wait up after school,” Kylo said, already planning the daring deed. “I’m going to visit my mom at work.”

 

 

“Ben, I told you already I can’t give—Kylo, sorry—you more lunch money than you already have,” Leia sighed as soon as she saw him at her office door. “It’s only Tuesday, how have you already spent it all?”

“I haven’t!” Kylo snapped instantly, then with a flood of embarrassment remembered the Mission. Point one: charm Leia into lending him her access key. “I mean, uh, I haven’t, of course, I’m here to say, uh, hello.”

Leia stared at him as if he had grown a third arm. Kylo blinked, shifting nervously in his Converse. If she suspected—

“Well,” she said slowly, clearly taken aback, “Hello?”

“Hi?” Kylo blurted, then felt his face grow even hotter. He had to keep his cool, the mission depended on it. “How’s, uh, your day? Going?” He gestured superfluously to her desk, which was overflowing with mounds and mounds of paper.

“It’s going,” Leia said, with that wry, lobsided smirk Kylo had always thought she’d gotten from his father. (Kylo scowled at the thought). Maybe it was the other way around? “How about you? You sure there’s no reason you’re here? If you’re in trouble with Mrs. Kanata again, you can just come out and say it—“

“No, nothing like that,” Kylo stammered. Was her faith in him that low? “I just...” he took a deep breath, steeling him for all the places the conversation could go, “I wanted to see you.”

“Oh,” Leia said, sounding a bit surprised, and it shouldn’t have bothered him, but it did. If he hadn’t been so focused on the Mission, he would have felt bad over it. “Well, I’m glad to see you. Would you like to...sit down?” She gestured to the chair facing her desk, a sagging number that had seen many, many better days.

Kylo sighed internally. _Do it for Hux,_ he told himself, imagining his boyfriend’s— _his not-boyfriend’s—_ flickering, dejected expression. Attempting at a smile, and mostly succeeding, he folded himself into the chair and managed to grab onto the desk’s edge as it gave a dangerous creak.

“Tell me about your day,” Leia prompted, looking so deeply hopeful Kylo felt a nasty throb of guilt over the Plan.

“Uh,” Kylo said, and for one wild, horrible moment he was strangely tempted to say, _my not-yet-boyfriend who is totally my boyfriend got his scalpels stolen from him and now I’m here to get him new ones? so he can potentially but totally cut me open and I’m not really sure what that really means but I know I want it and I trust him not to hurt me or do anything I don’t want._ Instead, he said, “I was, uh, team captain in PE.”

This was a blatant lie. Mrs. Kanata had not chosen him as team captain once, and never would. The only reason he wasn’t chosen dead last was because he was friends with Rey and Finn, the de facto team captains.

It wasn’t that Kylo was bad at sports. It was that he had some kind of homing beacon in his skull that drew all kinds of sports implements—soccer balls, dodgeballs, even tennis rackets—into a collision course with his head.

“That’s wonderful, sweetie,” Leia said, and she actually looked so proud Kylo felt even worse for lying. “How about Rey, Finn and Poe? You haven’t talked about them in a while.”

“They’re good,” Kylo said, trying to force himself to keep eye contact and failing, noticing his school portrait in a prominent, framed place by Leia’s computer. “Finn and Poe are still getting caught for PDA but nothing ever really happens to them, and Rey’s thinking about running for school council, and of course she’ll win. Poe came up with some really bad slogans for her and I think she’s going with Finn’s ideas.”

Kylo had suggested lyrics from some of his favorite songs, but for some reason she had politely turned them down.

“She’s a good choice for student council,” Leia said approvingly. She caught Kylo’s eye lingering idly on the bowl of Werther’s Originals on her desk—coffee flavored, her favorite, for some reason—and nodded encouragingly. “You can help yourself. I don’t get a lot of visitors down here.”

Kylo took one out of sheer nerves, unwrapping it hastily and wiping his sweating palms surreptitiously on his ripped, distressed purple acid-washed jeans. (Tripp NYC, found at the local Goodwill—he’d been so proud when he found them he’d made a MySpace post about them alone). He popped it in his mouth and winced in pain as it collided violently with his braces.

He and Leia chatted awkwardly for a while more, and he felt his anxiety spike—he had to get the key, he had to get to the Biology department. That was all that mattered.

“I’m sorry, honey, but I really do have to get back to these applications,” Leia said, clearly apologetic. “Do you need something to keep you occupied while you’re here? I can drive you home once I’m done for the day.”

Kylo’s heart beat frantically against his ribcage and his breath caught in his throat. This was his chance. “Well, uh, can I use the vending machine?”

“Of course, sweetie. You know where it is, just down the hall.”

“Actually, uh, the basement one is better,” Kylo said apologetically, wincing internally as his voice cracked with strain. “They’ve uh, got the sour skittles I like.”

“Oh,” Leia said with a smile. “Well, you can use my key, as long as you bring it back as soon as you’re done.” She pulled off her lanyard—proudly emblazoned with the college’s colors—and held it out; Kylo tried not to appear to eager as he grabbed the card and his backpack and jolted up out of his seat. Leia smiled at him as he rushed out and he offered a hasty one in return before all but sprinting down the hall and towards the elevator.

The elevator smelled vaguely of weed—even if it was the administrative building, it _was_ on a college campus, so Kylo wasn’t surprised—and he pushed the badge to the scanner and selected the basement, where the biology labs were.

Or, at least, that’s where he thought it was. If he followed the smell of formaldehyde, he’d be sure to find it.

The elevator dinged weakly and the doors trundled open. Kylo squared his shoulders, gripped his sidekick phone in his sweating palms, and stepped out. Step two of the Plan was underway.

 

 

Kylo held Leia’s ID to the reader by the lab door, feeling rather accomplished. The lock clicked and Kylo pushed it carefully open, creeping inside before shutting it quickly behind him. The smell was overwhelming, making his head hurt almost as soon as he breathed in. He held out his phone and fumbled to flip the keyboard out and hit the keys so it emitted a soft glow, holding it up so he could see.

A horrible thought occurred to him as he looked around to the bare surfaces and glittering glassware: he had no idea what Hux needed.

He pulled up the text program on his phone and fired off a hasty message to Hux:

_> what do u need for ur toolz  
> i mean like ur surgical toolz not like normal toolz XD_

There was no reply. Kylo brushed his fringe away from his face and tried not to feel his heart hammering in his chest. The lab was scary in the gloom, all flat planes and white, metal septic surfaces. And the smell really was awful.

His phone vibrated and Kylo flipped it open, reading Hux’s reply eagerly.

_> Why? Kylo, what are you doing?_

Kylo bit his lip and texted back, clumsy in the dark,

> _nvm that!11 tell me what u need XD_

He could practically see Hux’s eye-roll. Then,

> _A set of scalpels. Preferably with sharp blades_  
_> Disinfectant_  
 _ > Surgical scissors, mayo and iris_  
 _ > Tweezers. Fine and large ones_  
 _ > Teaser needle_  
 _ > sterilization squares_  
 _ > scalpel blades, assorted sizes and shapes_

Kylo frowned.

> _how m I supposed 2 kno what kind of scizzorz r which??? LMAO mayo XDDD_

_> I would show you a picture if I had one available._

_> kk ill send u pix XD_

Kylo made for the first bench and opened the topmost drawer, rooting around through papers and weird plastic cases of stuff that didn’t look like surgical stuff. He found a rusty old blade and nearly cut himself on it but doubted that was what Hux meant by “preferably with sharp blades.”

The next few drawers he tried were equally fruitless. Kylo could feel Leia’s ID slipping around in his palms, suddenly sweaty—what if he couldn’t find what Hux needed at all and had to return empty-handed?

Then he checked the drawers in a further bench and found a tray full of...things. Things that looked surgical. Kylo struggled to take a picture—

A clicking sound snapped through the air and Kylo only managed to scramble behind the bench before the lights flicked on and shoes sounded on the tile.

Kylo’s heart seized and he dove further away, scrabbling on hands and knees, crouching behind a cabinet and peering fearfully around the edge. With a streak of terror he realized he’d left the drawer open.

> _OMG HUX U HAVE 2 SAVE ME IM GOING 2 DIE_

_> What? Kylo where the hell are you?_

_> im at da community college r whateva n dis person just came in and theyre gonna c me!11 u have 2 help me111 im going 2 die hux_

A pause.

> _Are you stealing from the university to replace my things?_

 _> no!111_  
_> im borrowing~~_  
 _ > its different XD_  
 _ > omg theyre closer HALP ME_

_> Kylo_

_> HUX U HAZ 2 HALP MEE_

_> Is it the anatomy lab?_

_> YES N IT SMELLZ GROSS_

This was not an understatement. Kylo’s head felt even more light; he clutched at his phone more tightly to keep from falling over.

> _OMG I THINK DEY R LEAVING11!1 XD_

The door swished shut with a click and Kylo lurched to his feet, skittering towards the door only to find it was locked. From the outside. He fumbled around for a card reader but there was none—he was trapped.

> _OMG HUX IM TRAPPED N M GONNA DIE_

He tapped out the message,

> _IF I DIE HERE I WANT U 2 KNO I LOVE U_

then erased it and wrote instead:

_> U HAV 2 HALP ME HUX IM SRSZ  
_

No response.

> _its dark n cold and my momz gonna b pissed_  
_> it smellz so bad_  
 _ > hux I think therez like organz in here_

_> Well yes, it is an anatomy lab._

_> FUCK_

_> Shut up and stay calm. I’m coming_

Kylo frowned at the tiny screen of his phone. Hux was coming? For him? Like, leaving the house and coming to the university? Just to save him? The thought made his knees a bit weak, even weaker than they were due to the formeldahyde. He’d get to show Hux his gratitude. In his minds eye, he, an inch taller and without acne and with full raccoon stripes in his hair, offered himself up as a reward to his brave rescuer. And, well, if they happened to be in an anatomy lab so Hux could study him, well...

Kylo shook his head, shaking free from the fantasy. It did little to clear his head of the sudden fog of hormones. The simple fact was getting locked in a poisonous anatomy lab trying to steal surgical tools was a plan of sheer genius. Hux was coming for him and maybe finally he could confess his feelings.

An hour later he was feeling maybe a bit less smug, and was itching to text hux for a fourth (seventh) time, when there was a faint pounding on the door and Hux’s shadowed face appeared in the tiny window. He looked vaguely irate. It was perfect.

There was a faint scratching and then the door clicked open.

“Aren’t you a little short for a—“ Kylo began.

Hux moved to shut the door.

“No! Noononono just kidding,” Kylo said quickly, and a bit desperately, grabbing at the handle and putting his weight into it to keep it from closing. “I’m just uh, happy to see you. Thanks for uh, coming for me.”

The door halted and then Hux’s voice said, quite sharply, “You are the most _impossible_ person I have the misfortune to know.”

“....Thanks...?”

Hux sighed and pushed the door open, stepping hesitantly inside. His (seafoam green, very arresting) eyes flickered rapidly over the room; he looked almost taken aback, nervous, taking a hesitant step back, eyes very wide.

“Do you like it?” Kylo asked.

“I hardly think a scientific laboratory demands my approval, Kylo,” Hux snapped, but it was without venom. Then, with less confidence, “Did you really...come here just to replace my things?”

Kylo nodded, feeling almost shy, earnest and eager to please. “Yeah.”

The pale column of Hux’s throat worked slightly as he swallowed. “Well then. While we’re here. We could, ah. Take a look.”

Kylo’s heart leapt to his throat and for a second he thought Hux meant _at him_ but then Hux took a step towards the open drawer, where Kylo had been looking for replacement tools. Kylo fidgeted and tried not to look too put out, leaning back against the nearest surface—

He felt something give and _screamed,_ leaping away from the slab and nearly crashing into Hux.

“What the _hell_ —?” Hux demanded, stumbling into the bench so that his knee connected with a very sharp noise.

“There’s—“ Kylo stammered, “—there’s a _body_ Hux there’s a _body_ there’s someone’s _body!”_

Hux took a deep breath, as if summoning non-existent calm. “Kylo. This is an _anatomy_ lab.”

“A body,” Kylo repeated, more emphatically, in case he’d missed it the first time. “A _human_ _body_!”

“Does it scare you?”

Kylo may have been a bit dumb by Hux’s standards at least, but he wasn’t so dumb he didn’t see his opportunity. “A...a little,” he admitted, fluttering his mascaraed eyelashes, just a little, and shifted closer until—oh _fuck_ —he could see all the tiny, myriad freckles dusting Hux’s face.

“Pathetic,” Hux sniffed, but made no move to pull away. Slowly, awkwardly, hesitantly, their gazes drifted into line and then—

Pain exploded in Kylo’s mouth as Hux’s mouth collided with his braces and he felt tears spring to his eyes as joy, ecstasy, and overall disbelief welled warmly in his chest. Hux had—he— _kissed_ him—

The moment was over as soon as it had begun and Kylo swallowed the salty blood welling in his mouth where his mouth had been cut by his braces. Both he and Hux looked appropriately stunned. He could feel the tips of his ears burning.

“I’ve got to go,” Hux blurted at the same time Kylo said, “My mom’s probably—missing me.”

They made eye contact—Kylo could feel his face burning, he was probably quite red—and both looked away, then caught each other glancing back. Kylo grabbed an empty scalpel and pushed it towards Hux’s palm, then made quickly for the door, his heart hammering in his chest.

“I’ll see you at school,” he blurted out, then wrenched open the door and fled.

 

 

“Kylo?”

Kylo groaned and made no move to shift out of his position on his bed, face-first and with his face buried in the pillow, arms straight at his sides and one leg falling off the mattress. His mascara and makeup had smeared into his pillowcase and he craved wholeheartedly for death.

Leia came into view, looking concerned. She set a bowl down on his desk. “I brought you some chicken nuggets, sweetie,” she said. “Turned over in the microwave so they don’t get soggy. And some apple juice.”

The way he liked them. With his favorite. He couldn’t bring himself to move, and somehow this made him feel even more miserable than before.

“Do you want to talk about it, sweetie?” she said. There was a shift in the mattress as she sat down next to him. Her hand touched his shoulder a moment later, very warm. “If not that’s okay.”

He realized she was worried. He had, after all, disappeared for an hour and a half and only made some terrible excuse about being locked in a bathroom stall upon his return.

“Do you...” he began, his voice entirely muffled by the pillow. He turned his head so his mouth was unobstructed and Leia pushed away the fringe from his face. “Do you ever just...get what you’ve been wanting? For a really long time? And then you don’t feel happy, and you feel crappy about not feeling happy, which makes you feel even more crappy than you already feel?”

Leia rubbed his shoulder in sympathy, her dark eyes smiling. “You bet.”

Kylo’s eyes widened. “Really?”

Leia gave a sympathetic sigh. “Sometimes, especially at your age, but also at my age, things are like that. Confusing. You know, you’ve got a lot going on, and sometimes you’ve got to take some time to just....process things. Give yourself space to think.”

‘Give yourself space to think’ sounded like one of her guidance counselor things but Kylo didn’t comment. He should be overjoyed that Hux had kissed him, even if it hadn’t been a very good kiss, thanks to his braces and well....other things. And he was, in a way. But he also felt drained. And fluttery and nervous. And not entirely in a good way and not entirely in a bad way. More than anything he wanted to lay in bed and never move again. He’d failed the Plan anyway, he hadn’t even succeeded in getting Hux his tools back. And he’d made Hux come and rescue him. He was a terrible not-at-all-boyfriend-or-even-really-friend-friend.

He wanted to check Myspace and see if Hux was on. He’d apologize for being so terrible. He was quite sure Hux hated him now. Maybe he’d call Kylo names again—

“C’mon, eat your chicken nuggets,” Leia said, and pushed the glass of apple juice into his hand. “I didn’t make them just right just for them to dry out. Then maybe I thought we’d watch something Christmas-y. Maybe Frosty the Snowman.”

“Frosty the _Snowman_?” Kylo whined and sat up on the mattress, electrified by indignance. “Mom—that’s so totally lame!”

“I know it is. That’s why we’re watching it.” Leia kissed him on the forehead and he wiped at the spot as soon as she drew away. “Two minutes, I’ll make popcorn. If you’re not in the living room by the time it’s done I’m dragging you out of here by your ankles.”

This was not an idle threat, Kylo knew.

“Okay,” he sighed, climbing off his bed and starting towards the computer. “Two minutes.”

Leia grinned. “There’ll be hot chocolate too. Eat your chicken nuggets.” And then she was gone, off to swear at the microwave and possibly set the house on fire.

 

 

When Kylo logged onto Myspace he was immediately accosted by many messages, but the one from _ControlledBleeding_ caught his attention immediately _._ He clicked on the instant message, his breath snared in his chest. His heart sped as he waited for the message to load.

It was a picture of Hux’s slim, pale hand, holding the scalpel with a fresh blade, as well as a small pair of surgical scissors. In the background he could see Millicent curled up looking very content.

The message read, _Thank you, Kylo._

**Author's Note:**

> Some notes: in myspace canon Leia is actually the Mayor, not a guidance counselor, and you should go read the real thing over with porcelain_cats on ao3!


End file.
